Since entering the workforce for the first time since becoming a mother, my life has been a wild one. During the ten months I spent at home with Grayson, my schedule became his schedule. I could do laundry while he played happily, write a blog post while he napped, plan errands and grocery trips around his nap or mood. I was not often constricted by time. A stay at home mom is not a non-working mom–she is a stay at home and work mom.
I now run off a schedule created for me by business hours. The kicker here is that I am still employed by my other job–like a stay at home mom, but I can’t be home long enough to do the job. I now have to plan my other tasks some time before 8:30am and/or after 5pm. I have to consider morning and rush hour traffic. Some places don’t open early enough and some don’t stay open late enough for me to take care of business during the normal work week. On my first requested day off, I woke up just as early as I usually do–5am. I had a hair cut appointment in the afternoon, so I dropped Grayson off at his daycare. I ran around town checking off my to-do list and wasn’t even finished by the time I had to pick Grayson up around 6pm. My days off of my “working mom” job are my “stay at home working mom” job workdays.
Wake up. Get ready. Grayson wakes up. Some mornings he wakes up playful and happy. Other mornings, he follows me around crying “MAMA MAMA MAMA!” Both require about the same amount of energy from me. I’m either running around trying to keep Grayson from climbing up the stairs, putting his hands in the toilet, putting random inedible objects in his mouth, etc., or I’m picking him up to love on and reassure him, wiping the snot off his nose, and trying not to step on him while he climbs on and clings to me. I finish getting ready while getting Grayson ready. I grab my bags and his bags–my purse, a work bag with my laptop, a lunch bag, and his diaper bag. I carry my 20 pound boy in one arm with the 20 pound bags to the car. Drop Grayson off at daycare. Drive to work (insert traffic here). Work Work Work Work Work Work (insert Rihanna song here). Pick Grayson up from daycare (insert traffic here). Arrive home with my 20 pound baby and my 20 pound bags. It’s 6pm. I feed Grayson. I feed myself. I get Grayson ready for bed. I get me ready for bed. I prepare for the next day. Sleep. Wake up. Repeat.
There have been a couple times I sincerely thought I was going to have some sort of breakdown. I started missing my husband and son, even while living in the same house! I really like my job. I really need this money. The necessary sacrifices that must be made in order to reach the goals my husband and I have for our family’s future really are worth it. It’s just so emotionally draining right now. I’m so grateful for all that I have. I just want to have the time to enjoy it. I’m slowly but surely learning how.
On November 12, My baby Grayson turned A WILD ONE!
I know Grayson won’t remember this day. I know the money and time spent on this birthday party was more for me than it was for him. That’s okay. It’s a day I will never forget and one of my fondest memories. I loved putting every detail together (with the help of my wonderful mother in law — shout out to her!!!) celebrating one of the best and most special years of my life — Grayson’s first year of life. I’ve taken pictures each month on the exact day that I will show him when he’s older. 3 months… 6 months… 10 months… 1 year. How my love grows more and more and more for this little human being I can hardly fathom. I never knew love stretched this far.
On the day of his birthday he crawled on his knees for the first time instead of his regular (and hilarious) army crawl. He has 4 teeth (Remember they didn’t start coming in until he was around ten months). He talks (gibberish) all the time. He sleeps great and has adjusted to one nap a day. He feeds himself finger foods. If I feed him myself he takes the food out of his mouth to inspect it then puts it back in! He practices standing and walking but is not quite there yet on his own. He blows kisses. He loves, loves, loves music and dances to it all the time. He still loves bath time. He is hilarious.
He is sweet. He is handsome. He has a temper. He is a wild one.
Happy FIRST YEAR of life, my precious Grayson. I love you more than you’ll ever know… until you have a wild one of your own.